December 2008 Update

Well, it has been quite a while since I updated our blog. We successfully completed our homestudy November 10, 2008 and are currently waiting on USCIS approval and fingerprinting. I am very thankful to have come this far, however, it could be another 6 months or more before our dossier can be submitted due to the number of dossiers ahead of ours. In one sense it is a good thing as it allows Dean and I more time to finish getting out of debt and raise funds for our adoption. But, that has not stopped the ache in my heart for the child we can not yet bring home. How thankful I am that I know God has our child in His hands and is working these things out to His timing. It also allows me precious one-on-one time with my sweet Lilliana who is almost 5 years old. I find comfort in knowing she will be a little older before we leave her for a three week period to travel to Kazakhstan.
I must also admit that I am battling fear these days about leaving Lilliana. I have it stuck in my head that no one knows her like I do and that I need to be here to take care of her and protect her. So much fear at times that I have doubts as to whether or not I can actually leave her. I am definately reminding myself that fear is not of God.

Since we started our journey last June, my eldest daughter, Lindsay, has successfully completed her first semester of college. She reminds me every time our adoption trip is brought up that she would like to be allowed to go with us on the second leg. She has such a heart for what we are doing. She is so good with kids that I keep telling her she may end up in Education. She quickly lets me know that is not what she has planned. That is fine with me as I know God has a plan for her life. If He can bring me to where I am today, through the trials, mistakes, and lost times as he has, and bless me in ways I would have never thought possible, I know He will bring our Lindsay through as well.
And sweet Lilliana..."Mommy, since we can't pick a boy or girl anymore, can't we just get one of each?" "Well, Dear, that's up to God. You will have to talk to Him about that." "Ok, Mommy, can we ask Him right now?"

...and each night when we pray, we pray for "Wilton Luke" (Farmer by the Spring, light). (We just had to give our child a name - even if we have to change it later).
It reminds me of Psalms 1: 3

"He shall be like a tree planted by rivers of water,
that brings forth its fruit in its season,
whose leaf also shall not whither,
and whatever he does shall prosper."

This journey is hard. But I love what it is doing in my family's hearts. Real love, real lives, a real Jesus. We are happy.

God Bless and Merry Christmas
Janie Holland