My Precious, Loving, Sweet, Angelic Lilliana!
"Mommy, wi
ll you move my bed into your room?"
"Mommy, will you come with me to summer camp and be my teacher?"
"Mommy, Will you teach at my school and come with me every day?"
"Mommy, will you go with me on my "date out" with Trent and his mom. I've never ridden in a friend's car w/o you before. I'm nervous." (Well, that she can remember anyway.)
"Mommy, can I lay in your bed or will you come lay with me?"
"Mommy, how about a popcorn and movie night?"
To say that this child ADORES her parents is an UNDERSTATEMENT! I LOVE how much she needs and likes her mom and dad and I am doing my best to soak in EVERY minute of it!
I really needed to hear that 4th comment today! Actually, she has been saying these statements a lot over the last few months. This summer has been so wonderful as we have gotten so much closer (if that were possible) and she has matured so much! This bright and Lively middle child is one of the biggest blessings and causes for joy in our lives today! Add Livea to that, and well.......wow! Much laughter, hugging, kissing, etc.....!
We used to have special moments, sweet subtle moments, quiet hours of reading together, and such, with our first-born child, who is now 21. We had a lot of joy in our lives with her also. We love her dearly, as much as we do our other two. She grew up way too fast!
I always believed
my first-born would always be close to us. That she would always "like" us :) and even want to be around us when she was...say..21. :) But Today, well, today marks the day she has clearly stated that although she does love us, she does not miss us. She is with her friends and that is where she wants to be. After all, when you left home Mom, did you want to go back?
I know, I know...they grow up and make their own lives, but...In my book, this transition to independence should feel more like a natural next step. Like a flower blooming or a caterpillar forcing its way out of a cacoon as a beautiful butterfly after much hard work to get free.
I really expected a positive, natural transition. I expected us to always stay close, regardless of what path this child with such a sensitive heart and giving spirit chose. I never expected to feel rejected by someone I loved more than anything in the world, although I am 100% sure my daughter never intentionally wanted to make me feel this way. Let's face it, we all resist "losing' our first child.
Nor have I ever experienced anything so painful. So tiring that it sometimes makes you feel as though you are stuck in the middle of a very long, difficult, heated race. A race in which the finish line is completely out of site.
I recently heard a radio broadcast about how runners felt during the most difficult part of the Boston Marathon. As I understand it, the pain and the effort required to finish is grueling. One runner was asked what she focused on at the hardest part of the run, often referred to as "Heartbreak Hill". Her reply......."just one more step, one more step, one more step "
I'm sure the thought of "one more step" was a small enough obstacle to overcome to get just a little further. A very successful and positive strategy for overcoming even the largest of obstacles. At that moment, however, every step still hurt like H! The pavement was still HOT. Feet still ached, Lungs were still gasping for air, every inch of the body probably
screaming to just STOP.
I may have a hurt in my heart that never eases up with a big hole to go with it, but it also serves to remind me of someone else that felt that way. Someone that I probably hurt in the same way. Maybe all of this is a lesson in how much I am loved and was loved through some of my most selfish times. I am reminded of how much grace I have been given and that I should give the same in return.
For now, I have been given the brightest and sweetest angels to provide a double portion of laughter, love, joy, fun times, and teachable moments.
So...when these worries creep into my thoughts and threaten to distract me, I will just keep taking "one more step" and focus on the beautiful things that have been so divinely provided today.
"Mommy, wi
ll you move my bed into your room?""Mommy, will you come with me to summer camp and be my teacher?"
"Mommy, Will you teach at my school and come with me every day?"
"Mommy, will you go with me on my "date out" with Trent and his mom. I've never ridden in a friend's car w/o you before. I'm nervous." (Well, that she can remember anyway.)
"Mommy, can I lay in your bed or will you come lay with me?"
"Mommy, how about a popcorn and movie night?"
To say that this child ADORES her parents is an UNDERSTATEMENT! I LOVE how much she needs and likes her mom and dad and I am doing my best to soak in EVERY minute of it!
I really needed to hear that 4th comment today! Actually, she has been saying these statements a lot over the last few months. This summer has been so wonderful as we have gotten so much closer (if that were possible) and she has matured so much! This bright and Lively middle child is one of the biggest blessings and causes for joy in our lives today! Add Livea to that, and well.......wow! Much laughter, hugging, kissing, etc.....!
We used to have special moments, sweet subtle moments, quiet hours of reading together, and such, with our first-born child, who is now 21. We had a lot of joy in our lives with her also. We love her dearly, as much as we do our other two. She grew up way too fast!
I always believed
my first-born would always be close to us. That she would always "like" us :) and even want to be around us when she was...say..21. :) But Today, well, today marks the day she has clearly stated that although she does love us, she does not miss us. She is with her friends and that is where she wants to be. After all, when you left home Mom, did you want to go back?I know, I know...they grow up and make their own lives, but...In my book, this transition to independence should feel more like a natural next step. Like a flower blooming or a caterpillar forcing its way out of a cacoon as a beautiful butterfly after much hard work to get free.
I really expected a positive, natural transition. I expected us to always stay close, regardless of what path this child with such a sensitive heart and giving spirit chose. I never expected to feel rejected by someone I loved more than anything in the world, although I am 100% sure my daughter never intentionally wanted to make me feel this way. Let's face it, we all resist "losing' our first child.
Nor have I ever experienced anything so painful. So tiring that it sometimes makes you feel as though you are stuck in the middle of a very long, difficult, heated race. A race in which the finish line is completely out of site.
I recently heard a radio broadcast about how runners felt during the most difficult part of the Boston Marathon. As I understand it, the pain and the effort required to finish is grueling. One runner was asked what she focused on at the hardest part of the run, often referred to as "Heartbreak Hill". Her reply......."just one more step, one more step, one more step "
I'm sure the thought of "one more step" was a small enough obstacle to overcome to get just a little further. A very successful and positive strategy for overcoming even the largest of obstacles. At that moment, however, every step still hurt like H! The pavement was still HOT. Feet still ached, Lungs were still gasping for air, every inch of the body probably
screaming to just STOP.I may have a hurt in my heart that never eases up with a big hole to go with it, but it also serves to remind me of someone else that felt that way. Someone that I probably hurt in the same way. Maybe all of this is a lesson in how much I am loved and was loved through some of my most selfish times. I am reminded of how much grace I have been given and that I should give the same in return.
For now, I have been given the brightest and sweetest angels to provide a double portion of laughter, love, joy, fun times, and teachable moments.
So...when these worries creep into my thoughts and threaten to distract me, I will just keep taking "one more step" and focus on the beautiful things that have been so divinely provided today.
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